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| Thursday, August 12, 2004 |
| Why I Am Quiet |
This was written 4 years ago... Now people say that I'm also DEAF... go figure. Hmmm must've been those construction drills and rock music! hahahaha
One of the reasons why people keep asking me to repeat myself is because I am quiet. No, I have not mastered the art of incoherent speech, as some might like to think, neither do I mumble in hopes of passing it for an apathetic response and most certainly I am not shy. I am simply not gifted with a loud voice. I spend my time on things where only my hands and eyes are involved, and it's a setup that doesn't require me to be vocal. And you can't very well exercise your larynx when curling up with a good book, or better yet, playing solitaire on the computer.
I remember people in my childhood, most especially my mother, telling me to speak only when spoken to, and mind you; she would shrill at my ear so I'd get her point. When you're young and your sensitive eardrums are taking a banging like that, you would be very eager to submit to anyone's will, just so you can stop that throbbing in your head. My mother never had to tell me twice because I had discovered that a nod and a swift execution of her orders could subdue her. Not that I didn't suffer, unfortunately, my brothers were not as smart as I. They resorted to answering back with endless whys, which left me to keep score on various shouting matches both inside and outside our home. I daresay I'm proud that my ears have the capacity to bear with construction drills, bass drums and rock music turned up to full volume. That is more than I can say for my inexperienced vocal cords.
I have attempted to sing, in the bathroom that is. The tiles do such a wonderful job at amplifying the voice don't you think? When I am not in that magical, voice-improving place, my singing could be described as breathy as if I was just humming. In any case, my music career will be limited to playing the piano. At least I don't need to sing, hitting the ivory and ebony keys will make it sing in my stead.
I have attempted to join discussions and debates in hope of sharing my philosophical views but too many times the words "pardon me?" put out that tiny flame of argumentation on the tip of my tongue. It is not that I cannot explain my ideas well, indeed I can, just not loud enough to be coherent. Funny, I can write dissertations on a single concept yet cannot utter a single paragraph of it without someone asking me to repeat myself.
Don't get me wrong, I am fully capable of carrying on a conversation, but that again would be a conversation that involves me repeating a sentence or two for my listener. But most of the time I am content to just listen to others speak, taking mental notes so I can ponder them at home and launch arguments in my mind wherein my voice is so loud it echoes through the silent room. I think that is what they mean by loud thoughts. Thoughts can be really loud even though you don't hear a thing. Ironic don't you think?
Once I'm in a classroom, I try sitting up attentively in hopes that people may not mistake my silence for apathy or shyness. I jot down notes for future reference because as I said, I like doing things that involve only my eyes and hands. So gradually, trying not to look too snobbish or nerdish for that matter, I write and I write and I write. Writing, like reading, playing the piano and solitaire is quite comfortable, a good excuse for me not to use my voice and avoid those loathsome words, "sorry, I didn't hear you."
I am quite sure that I am more the quiet type, and will most probably stay that way.
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posted by Rax @ 09:58 |
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| knowing but not intervening... |
| About Me |
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Name: Rax
Home: Makati, Philippines
About Me: I am many things: aspiring poet, advocate, lawyer, with a good grasp of reality. I am also passionate when it comes to chasing dreams. After all, a childlike imagination is just something I cannot outgrow. Which is why I write(...and refuse to give up anime, fantasy novels and video games... :P)
See my complete profile
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