The Oracle: April 2004

Friday, April 30, 2004

Roe v. Wade

More women's issues for ya. Our Constitution has closed all doors to the possibility of legalizing abortion. As the pro-choice and pro-life meet head on in the streets, they do not stand on equal footing as of now. As for me I believe that "the smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities." And one of the rights that come with personal autonomy is the freedom to do what you want with your life, your mind and your body. It doesn't matter if one is male or female, it just so happens that men don't get pregnant. Hahaha. Anyway, it will be some time before our laws recognize such right. The common good must prevail they say. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

"When "the common good" of a society is regarded as something apart from and superior to the individual good of its members, it means that the good of some men takes precedence over the good of others, with those others consigned to the status of sacrificial animals." -Ayn Rand

The morning after

The morning after
he took one of his cigarettes and lit it
with what might have been a pistol.
The floor had been swept
of the garbage
spilled on its cement tiles.
The sink that was piled with dishes
was clean. no remnants
jammed in the drain,
the bathroom reeked of antiseptic.
Smells like the hospital, she whispered.
He helped her lie down
and kissed her forehead,
knowing how
her eyes resembled
Quiapo stalls and sampaguitas,
memories seeping through
like her monthly stains.
He knelt beside the bed,
knowing how
Septembers might've been a baby
one that could've been theirs
screaming for milk
they could not afford,
because only
when the neighbors couldn't sleep
would they ask him, why? how?
knowing how
he would've answered,
he couldn't do everything.
He watched her sleep and
put the pistol lighter down.
After all,
he saw too much not to feel
her silent cries through the
thin blankets she clutched
like they were the walls
of her own womb

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posted by Rax @ 17:17

Women

I've been thinking a lot about what field of law to go into after graduating and passing the bar. Assuming that I am lucky enough to actually do that, I haven't decided what my main field would be. Although, I do have some inkling that I will end up as the Paradox' notary/secretary... ehem... one of the things I'd like to dabble with are women's issues. So, don't mind if I put in some feminist poetry and stuff like that. It's a topic that I actually spend time thinking about, since most of the time the only thing I think about is what no-brainer activity I should be doing for the day. =)

Women

I am born with a deep trench between my thighs

Like those who wait under
their respective streetlights
to whore, to beg, to snatch, to drink,
to bark and to sell, these children,
in their evening corners,
like moth to lamp posts
are drawn to the warmth
of bills in pockets.

They think only of the
warmth of cigarettes at hand and
the smoke that shrouds their expressions,
angry, weary, helpless, indifferent
of the men who sometimes
forced their way into them
and the number of fetuses
they forced out.

There are also those who live
in clean neighborhoods and
nice big houses who think of nothing
but fresh sheets and soft carpets.
They know nothing of the pain
that comes with having
a deep trench between their thighs
and yet they scoff at those who

are being stretched, scraped, ripped
apart like the turkeys they
prepare for thanksgivings.
Not knowing that
they are no more women

than those they feast upon.

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posted by Rax @ 16:55

Under the Blankets

To show you all that I'm not just a dark and dreary person, here's something from the better side of life. =)

Under the blankets

your fingertips tracing my lips
let you know that i was real. we were

embracing under the blankets. i was
pressing my body close to you and
breathing in your scent of sweat and perfume,
reminding me of the feel of your arms
when we first danced, reminding me of the trip to Ilocos,
rolling on cement floors until daylight had
seeped through the curtains, reminding me of
sleeping in Kuya Dado's jeep with the windows down
shivering, forsaking clocks and later calendars. as the

morning dawned, i knew the city below pulsed
with madness and malice. i knew
i might lose you to meaningless faces of
strangers and false friends. i knew
there may be nights of sleeping alone
without your warmth, without your lips.
someday there may be a wedding, maybe
a child or two. there may be screaming
fights over money and other women, maybe
over in-laws. maybe you'll stop whispering
my name in the dark and someday i might
cease to be real to you. i was

drawing the curtains so the light
didn'twake you. i was lying down
embracing you under the blankets,
ignoring the phone ringing in the living room,
cherishing the languor of hips and
fingertips tracing my lips, i was

real to you.

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posted by Rax @ 16:41

Time Speaks

"Hell is other people." - Sartre

(Heaven is also other people) HEHEHE

Time Speaks

Time speaks, people change
distance rifts us apart
Time speaks, feelings change
innocence can break your heart.

Time speaks, society moves
further in accusation
Time speaks, pride moves
away in bitter frustration.

Time speaks, insults fall
on your life less-lived
Time speaks, tears fall
from the love you give.

Time speaks, people change
history gives surrender
Time speaks, death changes -
your life they can't remember.

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posted by Rax @ 16:24

One moment

Regrets, hmmm I have had a few of those. Especially when it comes to human relationships. I guess emotions are too fragile a thing, always dependent on the choices one makes. Maybe it was because of this fact that I have to think first and feel later. Although the method is not efficient all the time, it has served me quite well in certain situations. I may be described as a stone, apathetic and unfeeling but regret, my biggest enemy, can still manage to make a guest appearance once in a while. After all, I'm still human.

One moment of weakness
One lifetime of pain
One moment of sacrifice
A sentence to gain.

One moment of forgiveness
One memory beget
One moment of happiness
Another scar to forget.

One moment of strength
One decade of fear
One moment of trust
A grave to hold dear.

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posted by Rax @ 16:12

Teenagers... glad I'm no longer one!

You know that I-hate-the-world-and-everything-in-it stage that everyone goes through? This was me back in 99. I wonder if I could ever write down such powerful emotions again? Doubt it. My present age comes with a writer's block. So here I am reminiscing. Bear with me.

Bratte

a mannequin among the elite
subservient, disjointed, torn to shreds
my composure under a shroud.
already cast out my dignity
I laugh at my insignificance.
I'm my own worst friend
I'm my own closest enemy
And its back to the gutter,
petulance, a leech on my back.
I've climbed the precipice of delirium
a loner in a chaotic mind.
Swallowed lost hope
then choked on false pride
But I refuse these second hand regrets!
Come a little closer
and I'll drag you down to hell!
A state of apathy,
void and limp with hate.

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posted by Rax @ 04:20

On Dreams

Dreams, yes they can be wonderful at times, but in my case more often than not they aren't so...err...wonderful. I wish I could have more control over them, like the Paradox. (I sure would like to make my own dream car at that!) However, I've learned not to take my dreams too seriously, especially since their content ranges from sad to utterly macabre. Oh well, someday I'll probably have to take my subconscious for a checkup. Inkblots anyone?

Here's a poem I wrote after waking up from a nightmare. I don't remember what exactly happened but the images and the feelings are definitely from the dream. Ironically, I have entitled it, Euphoria.

Euphoria

Tendrils curling in the air
Fingers reaching for the light
Euphoria ignites warmth
From embers of the night

Sunken eyes brimmed red
Amnesia's victim cries
Euphoria ignites evil
From portrait of burning skies

Confusion in epiphany
Lies in coffins of the mind
Euphoria ignites insanity
From the past left behind.

Quest for unsettled purpose
Heroes for the unredeemed
Euphoria ignites sorrow
From the visions of a dream.

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posted by Rax @ 03:44

Ode to Tequila

It's been a while since my last drink. I look back and shudder at how I took comfort from the bottle. It's funny how I thought I needed it for all occasions, be it celebration or depression. Oh well, it's not like I didn't learn anything from the experience. As with all things, it's fun at first but then you just get sick of it. Here's a peek at one of the things I wrote while drunk... sigh... back in the old days:

Days may have their innocence
and Monday's at your lips.
The hypocrites of Sunday
meet in sweat and fog.
Spilled out truth and
uncontrolled emotions
the dam breaks free.
Scorched from throat to heart,
the insanity relentless.
But I have no fear -
for I am with my equals,
all delirius from the
gold vial of poison
that takes away the pain.
And when the cloud of darkness recedes
and daybreak blinds,
we'll part as strangers...
But the stench of this night
will remain with us forever.

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posted by Rax @ 02:47

Thursday, April 29, 2004

Remnant

One last look
at the room,
memorizing its features.

My feet lingering
for a few sweet moments,
feeling its strangeness.

I turn and
close the door,
the knob warm in my hand

Eyes forward,
my strides confident
toward a new direction.

My poetry book
clutched to my chest,
my most precious belonging...

next to my scars.

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posted by Rax @ 23:40

knowing but not intervening...

About Me

Name: Rax
Home: Makati, Philippines
About Me: I am many things: aspiring poet, advocate, lawyer, with a good grasp of reality. I am also passionate when it comes to chasing dreams. After all, a childlike imagination is just something I cannot outgrow. Which is why I write(...and refuse to give up anime, fantasy novels and video games... :P)
See my complete profile

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Unguarded Utterance